Uncomfortably held…yes, that describes exactly what I felt a few weeks ago when Jason was in the hospital for a kidney stone that was causing blockage in his ureter; It is what I felt this morning as we discussed the problems our car has been having; It is what I feel when I dwell on when we will be leaving for Brazil; let’s face it, it is how I feel almost every second these days….if I allow it.
Jason was in the hospital and as I drove back to our humble abode to grab some clothes and take the girls to visit Daddy, I picked up the phone to call a close friend and vent. It went something like this. “I know God has this, and we are blessed to have the great care of the hospital, and are fortunate that we have insurance, and Jason’s job has sick leave. I know God is holding me, but at this moment I feel uncomfortably held, like a baby being held backward on a hip with my arms and legs flailing….and I just want to be in the fetal position.. ”
When I got off the phone I starting talking with God again and I said “God I do feel uncomfortably held, why do I feel this way? I trust You, I seek You, I pray!!!” Then He gave me an image of what babies do when they are held backward on a hip. Have you ever had a baby throw their head back and bang you in the mouth with their head while they wrestle free of your grip? Or have you ever moved a baby to that position because they were not comfortable in the forward facing position? Or have you ever experienced a baby just lay back and rest against you? Yeah, that’s the best feeling.
So here lie my choices…I can buck, or I can lean back, because He IS holding me. I choose to lean back and held perfectly by His righteous right hand.
“So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10 NIV
I just had to write all that down.
Blessing to you all!